Pink nubs and spicy rubs (Spice Trail Fudge)

1005  Gachala, Columbia    Barometric Pressure 29.92  Wind S 2 knots. Chicken evil.

Dear Diary,

Clearly I need to remember any 'little shopping trip' suggested by Miss Ladybird should come with a warning to pack decently stout boots, additional underwear and a spare Enfield. Especially when she asks me to 'collect a few emeralds' on the way for her.

Quite why my guides have been muttering about the gathering darkness and 'La Pollo Maligno' I cannot understand. Apparently it's bad chicken soup tonight or something. Mind you, it's not been a total nightmare of unsuitable mounts and unsavoury bathroom facilities. I was handed a Chica drink by one of our local cooks. Once the world had stopped spinning and we had established just what an invitation to 'see the pink buds' actually entailed, I was show a handsome and very fecund tree with long glossy green leaves and dangling bunches of bright berries.

Clearly related to the Cashew, it contains bountiful bundles of charmingly pink buds around a bitter seed. Although remarkably like black and white peppers in heat, it is nowhere near as harsh and is positively aromatic when rubbed (yes, I know, I'm aware Miss Felice D'Ville has the same reputation but we don't talk about her in public). 

I'm quite convinced they would go extremely well with a touch of Cocoa. In fact our cook has assured me that these little pink nubs have been used since Aztec times in both cooking and brewing, and the French expedition here last week named them Baie Rose. The tree is very vigorous and looks as if it could become quite invasive given a warm climate.

I shall ensure I collect a sample and see what I can do when I return to London...

Diary Update:  0135

Awoke to a considerable squawking and rustling in the bushes and terrified cries of 'La Pollo, La Pollo Malgino!' from our guides. Luckily the Majors training held firm (as does the Major), it turns out the leaves of this lovely new tree are poisonous to fowl, the smell of roasting is now wafting across the campsite and I have a rather nice new cockade for my hat. Honestly though, I'm almost embarrassed to mention it was apparently the 'Evil Chicken' of local legend. Looked like a Black Rock to me. Hardly a destroyer of worlds.

(Incidentally, my lovely little Arc Reactor in the picture was built by the very talented Mr Nick Lock of www.shootthecuff.co.uk -it not only lights up but stores data and is invaluable on expedition.)